Celebrate Festivus!
By
Staten Island, NY Posted: 12/23/2015 1:00:00 AM
A Festivus For The Rest Of Us!
It's December 23rd, and you know what that means... It's Festivus!
This is the day we all gather around our Festivus Pole and enjoy the holiday for the Rest Of Us. Speaking of Festivus Poles, be sure your pole has a very high strength-to-weight ratio. Nothing ruins a good Festivus gathering more than a cheap looking Festivus Pole, and be sure you don't put any annoying decorations on it. It's distracting, and makes you look like an ass.
Keeping with the time honored traditions of Festivus, we need to start with the "Airing of Grievances", and it's about time, because I got a lotta problems with you people, and you're going to hear about it!
You have to admit, you've been a big disappointment this year. You spend way too much time watching cat videos and talking about the Kardashians and frankly, it's got to stop. If you spent half that time reading my blog, you wouldn't be in the shape you're in.
And now for the "Feats of Strength". I don't know about you, but I'm not messing around this year. As I type this, I'm beating the living daylights out of a punching bag filled with cinder blocks with my bear hands and I don't intend to stop until I either break my hands or turn it into a pile of sand.
There's nothing like Festivus. If you're good, you may even witness a genuine Festivus Miracle! You never know, maybe this is the year you finally get rid of the bunions that you got from walking around Ikea for 3 hours looking for the toilet.
Joe Crescenzi, Founder
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